Despair has often
been my companion.
Oh, lovely snow falling!
Category Archives: Poems
Drought3*
All I can tell you is words come slow like rain in the middle of what would become known simply as the drought—a little understatement we could hang on to while hot winds scoured the landscape. Winter ended swiftly. In one day the ice melted and the hot wind arose from out of the west. The hills grew ragged and dusty.
The wind shifted north, killing off livestock. Eventually we were blasted by hot currents from every direction. It never rained again, the wind never died, everything crumbled. I don’t remember that last day other than as a dream: delicate flesh stinging from the cold; brittle ice cutting into cheeks; a red nose peeks out from under a scarf.
I awoke to the itching and flaking of burnt flesh, in time to catch a tree slowly falling, its topmost branches snap loose, crash into the rugged earth, and crumble before the trunk catches up. In the beginning the downed wood would have been swarmed by carpenter ants and termites—but there are none left, they couldn’t survive the undying furnace, ever stoked by growing windstorms.
Every step was thought to be the last. Every step digging a little deeper into the loose ground. After the trees abated their war against gravity, their dry roots gave way and forests fell. Collapsing like the rest of life, simply giving up and letting go and laying down en masse.
The terrible wind blows and trees die. It howls and you know there is one less thing to care about. The sun glares and you bleed dry, and you walk—trying to stand on loose ground. Trying to walk over ground that crumbles into the hallows left by decayed roots. There was a time, I remind myself, that the ground was solid. When the earth was supported by a series of roots, invisible but for the structures they supported. There was a strong and resilient earth, covered with life drawing strength from an invisible web of roots. Roots surrounded by damp ground. Roots I once cursed for hampering my digging. Roots that meandered their way into my compost heap, seemingly demanding to be dug out—extinguished.
Roots that would have died by now anyway. Roots that were the last to see it coming. Roots that didn’t know that the world above was withering into dust, and sand, and neglect. Suddenly alone in empty dry ground. Suddenly vanishing, ripping open holes in their death.
Welcome home. Welcome to a world where a thousand non-decisions have been cast by outsiders, a thousand words of advice from unaware and unmindful idols flinging unthoughtful opinions at their trusting admirers. Leading, eventually, to dry winds scouring a hallow earth.
Not what I remember
I have fond memories of Greenhouse Christmas which aren’t reflected in the poem itself. I thought it was much better. Although, it does come from the time period where I was experimenting with narrative mode. I like the ambiguity and subtleness of the characters, there’s a shift there that I hope jerks readers askew into experiencing multiple realities. If it doesn’t for you, don’t be alarmed, it’s just a poorly written poem.
I’ll probably never go back to it. But I may get inspired during my Buffy/Angel rewatch—I’m up to BtVS s5 / AtS s2, if anything will help me capture a good narrative flow and otherworldliness it will be those seasons.
I’d like to blather on, but I have TV to watch.
Greenhouse Christmas6*
Walk to the greenhouse,
Sit by the heater,
Enjoy the warmth.
Pull out an iPod and a notebook,
Smile at the rustling plastic,
Lean back to day-dream—
And crash into the heater.
Blackness followed by a growing awareness.
The yellow notebook is buried in mulch.
The heater is on its back.
Jump to your feet,
Lift the heater,
Trip over the chair—
Vague images of hair over eyes,
Close-up of lips.
Strip out the soundtrack and make me
Say what should’ve been said.
The iPod is face down inside a clay pot.
The screen is not cracked.
Dig out the notebook and
Write what you came out here to write.
Christmas greenhouse5
Walk to the greenhouse.
Sit by the heater and
Enjoy the warmth.
Think of me.
Pull out an iPod and a notebook.
Smile at the rustling plastic.
Lean back and day-dream.
Keep leaning back, and back, and…
Crash into the heater.
Blackness and a growing awareness.
The yellow notebook is buried in mulch.
The heater is on its back.
Jump to your feet,
Lift the heater,
Trip over the chair.
Vague images of hair over eyes,
Close-up of lips.
Strip out the soundtrack and make me
Say what should’ve been said.
The iPod is face down against the inner edge of a clay pot.
The screen is not cracked.
Sit down,
Pull out the notebook and
Write what you came out here to write.
The Chinese Problem*
I wouldn’t be apprehensive about Chinese
if it weren’t all space invading octopuses.
(You should be imagining
a yellowing handmade sheet of paper,
its rough edges frame
a fishing village and its surrounding mountains.
There are 3 to 5 vertical lines of Chinese calligraphy.)
A segment*
Either depression, or a Buffy re-watch marathon, has kept me from posting anything in a while, so I thought I should. Here’s a segment of a scene of a collaboration I’m working on.
Poseur and the Gent peer into the darkness and slowly unclasp their hands. The air is heavy and low with despair. A distant foghorn echoes through the cavernous alleyways and explodes into the courtyard; its deep notes harmonize with the creaking of lumber, and is punctuated by the popping of moths drawn into a lamp’s mantle.
Amorphous shadows roll over pavement and shimmy up dilapidated buildings. With a hesitant well then, the Gent saunters towards the struggling beacon. It flares between his breath, ripping ragged patches out of the shadows.
A fuzzy shape streaks the periphery. Eldridge catches a breath, and with a grimace, shifts his eyes towards the disturbance. Continue reading
Discoveryunknown*
In a notebook somewhere, or maybe just in my memory is an image. I am laying on my back watching the sky through a canopy of tree branches.
In this memory are structured words and lines describing grey lawn-darts blasting through a blueish grey sky. And other birds. I don’t have the patience to capture that image. Of being covered in grime and exhaustion. Of laying on my back on a wooden planked back porch. Feeling, or ignoring, the splinters pinching through my salty crunchy shirt.
Of rubbing my face with rot and dirt and dried sweet. Scratching pockets of sunburnt skin and out of place whiskers.
Smoke vanishing into the grey of the sky, or getting lost in the black leaves. And occasionally a bird darts over the scene as if to make a point.
My notebook may indicate that it was relaxing or inspiring or simply a happy distraction. Or it may be a few scrawled lines about overhead lawn-darts. It won’t indicate that I occasionally remember playing chicken with my brother, in which I was actually a target that wasn’t supposed to move when this huge sharp thing was hurling toward me.
We’d also play this game where he’d shoot at the bottle I was holding.
Or he’d chase me down with a lawnmower.
I found this as I was searching to see if I ever transcribed my notebook exercise. I don’t know if it’s the most recent version or not. What I can tell you is it’s written in plain-text as a markdown document. I can also tell you is it’s a TextWrangler auto-backup of a 750words.com post. The file name is 750 (2011-07-12 02-25-15-316). In the same folder are cached copies of C. K. Williams’ Whacked.
In reserve*
I heard that as a string of growls,
followed by: Smash, Thump, Drag.
If that wasn’t intended, you can start over.
Ravaged3*
The manic screen
flares green at me,
“You!”
and then it goes dark;
I stab it awake.
“Now!”
it’s dark again,
stab it!
“Function Key!”
This time there’s an empty Mine Sweep grid being assaulted by an angry arrow.
It goes dark again, and
the angry arrow is back,
jabbing me with accusations.